I wish I could take credit for the clever title. Alas, there is someone more clever than I. My brother David (countnefariousjunior.blogspot.com) and I were discussing the never-ending duties of home ownership and he mentioned this joke with his brother-in-law. They call their urban garden efforts "Farmageddon."
The special irony here is that I don't own a home. I just maintain my mother's property, which is located in a central California growing zone far away from my cool coastal domicile. When in residence in Sonora, I become a dedicated Farmageddon lifestyle apostle. In fact, I'm a regular weekend Johnny Appleseed. Except that he went somewhere. I stay in one place, and my sowing doesn't yield the same results.
However, when it comes to Farmageddon, I cannot afford to think negative thoughts. While Nature is fickle and trying, she also delivers small and wonderful rewards. This year, I perched six strawberry plants in one of the charming, but terminally silly, containers called "strawberry pots." After a great loss of potting soil and much hue and cry, the plants stayed in their cubby holes and proceeded to flower and fruit. I've eaten [twelve, tiny] strawberries that I grew myself. For the city dweller, such results are almost unbelievable and incredibly satisfying.
Into the tub of the frost-bitten—sadly, to death—lemon tree, I've plopped five Early Girl tomato plants. Thanks to liberal doses of tomato food (who knew there was such a product?), I've been gifted with lots of delicate tomato blossoms and some fledgling tomatoes. Someday, the tomatoes might be red, too.
My friend Bruce came to visit one weekend, and spent it in the trenches planting a fruiting quince tree. Since I started my preserving binge, I've been obsessed with quince, an old-fashioned fruit favored by the 49ers who settled the area. Lately, I've seen it return to menus, but, for the most part, it's a misunderstood and troubled fruit. I mean to change that perception in my own small way. (Check back in two years and see how I'm doing.)
In between my vegetable and fruit endeavors, I've been on a crusade to save the hydrangeas. Since we felled the ailing tree in front of my mom's deck, they get blasted by the scalding rays of the morning sun. As a true practitioner of Farmageddon, I purchased a market umbrella and installed it in the garden to shade the hydrangeas. While the effect is very upscale restaurant, the solution failed. I didn't take into account the angle of the sun, which slips under the umbrella with laser precision. Even worse, anyone coming up the walk toward the house hits the umbrella head on. Practicality aside, Wolfgang Puck would be proud of the look.
The "save the hydrangeas" project needs rethinking, but that will have to wait until after the "death to the volunteer plums" campaign. Currently one of the wild plums has wrapped a heavily fruited branch around the power line into the house. The one next to it drops fruit onto the flagstone patio. As soon as Steve the Tree Guy (master of the three word text) can manage it, they're toast.
True, Farmageddon is as overwhelming as the name suggests. Once the plums are gone, I'll have an ivy-covered bank that will need attention. Followed by a serious attack on the vinca and other noxious vines. The weird thing is: I didn't even start this garden. Since saving the world and curing cancer aren't options, I guess I've found a commitment I can really dig in to.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
The Peculiar Happiness of Preserves
My friend Pinky recommended a book to me called The Peculiar Sadness of Lemon Cake, or something like that. It was a sad little book about a girl who could taste and experience the emotions of a person in the food they prepared. From the title, you can guess that this talent wasn't personally felicitous.
For me, it would be different story. Lately, I've gotten on a preserving jag. There's something so magical about turning beautiful fruit into gleaming, translucent jelly. Then, even better, I can give this glorious, jewel-toned creation to a friend and feel really excited about it. I made it and they can eat it: literally spread the joy on toast or whatever.
For an apartment dweller (as I am for most of the year), these few moments of feeling connected to the earth and constructive in a pioneer-like way are amazingly satisfying. I'm insanely proud of myself, even if I use pectin instead of a candy thermometer. Maybe I'm turning into an artisan. That would be cool.
For me, it would be different story. Lately, I've gotten on a preserving jag. There's something so magical about turning beautiful fruit into gleaming, translucent jelly. Then, even better, I can give this glorious, jewel-toned creation to a friend and feel really excited about it. I made it and they can eat it: literally spread the joy on toast or whatever.
For an apartment dweller (as I am for most of the year), these few moments of feeling connected to the earth and constructive in a pioneer-like way are amazingly satisfying. I'm insanely proud of myself, even if I use pectin instead of a candy thermometer. Maybe I'm turning into an artisan. That would be cool.
Which Sixties?
My brother Donald is disappointed that my blog isn't about the Sixties: that fabulous decade between the 1950's and the 1970's. Personally, I don't have many fond memories of the sixties. To start, I try to blank out the hip-huggers, bell-bottoms and bouffant hair styles that never flattered my well padded figure. Plus, high school constituted a four-year nightmare for the intellectual fringe such as myself. Why would anyone want to recall ten years of purgatory, even if most of it transpired in a bucolic small town?
Apparently, my entire high school class is in collusion to do just that. Through the modern miracle of Facebook, the Sonora Union High School Class of 1966 is connecting like mad. William Sandy Richter, who I'm certain has matured into a lovely, respectable man, has given of his time to coordinate the project, and must spend many a day hounding SUHS outliers who have escaped the noose of the internet. First order of business? Your birthday. I'm getting copied on birthday greetings to people who's names I haven't heard of in forty-five years. Not only does Bill/Sandy send greetings. The classmates themselves add to the cacophony of well wishes. My email inbox isn't big enough for all this good will.
I'll admit to some curiosity about the actual reunion event, and I've fallen in that trap before. I could relate the dreary and dire happenings of the 5th, the 20th and the 35th, but I'll spare everyone the pain. I don't doubt my classmates are nice and lovely people; they just aren't my people anymore. I've drifted too far away to want to go back to those less than halcyon times. I have a different life, great friends and a satisfying career. Resurrecting high school memories doesn't jingle any bells for me.
To end on a less curmudgeonly note, I wish my classmates a happy time as they reacquaint themselves. My friend Pinky has committed herself to the Friday night cocktail party, so I'll get the gossip without any expending any effort. And maybe I'll raise a glass in a solitary toast: Hail Sonora High School. Hail, hail, hail.
Next, si
Apparently, my entire high school class is in collusion to do just that. Through the modern miracle of Facebook, the Sonora Union High School Class of 1966 is connecting like mad. William Sandy Richter, who I'm certain has matured into a lovely, respectable man, has given of his time to coordinate the project, and must spend many a day hounding SUHS outliers who have escaped the noose of the internet. First order of business? Your birthday. I'm getting copied on birthday greetings to people who's names I haven't heard of in forty-five years. Not only does Bill/Sandy send greetings. The classmates themselves add to the cacophony of well wishes. My email inbox isn't big enough for all this good will.
I'll admit to some curiosity about the actual reunion event, and I've fallen in that trap before. I could relate the dreary and dire happenings of the 5th, the 20th and the 35th, but I'll spare everyone the pain. I don't doubt my classmates are nice and lovely people; they just aren't my people anymore. I've drifted too far away to want to go back to those less than halcyon times. I have a different life, great friends and a satisfying career. Resurrecting high school memories doesn't jingle any bells for me.
To end on a less curmudgeonly note, I wish my classmates a happy time as they reacquaint themselves. My friend Pinky has committed herself to the Friday night cocktail party, so I'll get the gossip without any expending any effort. And maybe I'll raise a glass in a solitary toast: Hail Sonora High School. Hail, hail, hail.
Next, si
Thursday, May 5, 2011
In A Nutshell
Who knew Ted Danson would be my hero (at least for today)?
I read The New Yorker "On The Town" piece about his commitment to Oceana, a non-profit dedicated to ocean conservation, and his relish playing in a TV series filmed in Manhattan called "Bored to Death." In the series, he plays an aging bon vivant named George. Through the vagaries of George's superficially glamorous life, Danson says there runs a constant: "a desperate need of a sixty-three-year-old to still be relevant in the world. I love that. It resonates with me."
Well, Ted, I have to say it resonates with me, as well. Thanks for the thought.
I read The New Yorker "On The Town" piece about his commitment to Oceana, a non-profit dedicated to ocean conservation, and his relish playing in a TV series filmed in Manhattan called "Bored to Death." In the series, he plays an aging bon vivant named George. Through the vagaries of George's superficially glamorous life, Danson says there runs a constant: "a desperate need of a sixty-three-year-old to still be relevant in the world. I love that. It resonates with me."
Well, Ted, I have to say it resonates with me, as well. Thanks for the thought.
Monday, May 2, 2011
What I Learned at Camp
I just spent a weekend in the wilds of the San Bernadino Mountains at a camp for food bloggers. There are several conundrums in that sentence.
First, I had no idea that, beyond the San Fernando Valley, the end of the Sierra range rears up to a rather impressive height (a sad statement from a native Californian). A couple of years ago, my friend Susan and I took a leisurely drive up the eastern spine of the Sierras through Lone Pine and Bishop. It didn't occur to me that the mountains would have a similar face on the opposite side: high, dry and austerely magnificent. At 7,000 feet, my nasal passages shriveled, my skin cracked, and my alcohol consumption plummeted.
Second, I had been advised that the blogging camp was, indeed, a camp: rugged, basic, simple. Southern California urbanites have developed a whole new definition for camp. The first blogger I encountered was draped in a lissome sun dress, accented with blue sandals. Another camper was outfitted in white slacks, a white hoodie and a white vest. I felt embarrassingly under-dressed in my brown (to match the dust and dirt) Muir Woods t-shirt and jeans (the only outfit I brought). I knew I was really under-prepared when the make-up kits and blow dryers appeared. Luckily, the camp had electricity, mirrors, running showers, and forced air heating to accommodate this new level of "roughing it." Whew.
Third, the passion is gone from my life. I had applied for and was granted permission to attend the blogging camp. (For my work, I need to understand and be able to communicate with facebookers, tweeters and bloggers. As an excuse for my sadly lacking skills, I'll note that foodservice is always years behind the media status of other industries.) Little did I know how engaged, energized, eager, enthusiastic and PASSIONATE these bloggers are about their craft. I expanded my blogging knowledge exponentially at the conference/camp, but my passion meter remained at zero. I can no longer maintain excitement about anything for 36 hours.
When I finally dragged my suitcase and [my brother's] sleeping bag into my apartment, I felt several lessons hit me with a mega-force.
1. I will never again willingly fly with a sleeping bag in tow (sorry Southwest, I stowed in the overhead compartment with my suitcase).
2. No more sharing rooms with someone I don't know. Sleeping in peace is worth the price.
3. Blog with circumspection and care. Do you really want to create an online community?
4. Maybe a sixties blog isn't such a bad idea. There are hundreds of food blogs, but only one sixties limbo blog.
First, I had no idea that, beyond the San Fernando Valley, the end of the Sierra range rears up to a rather impressive height (a sad statement from a native Californian). A couple of years ago, my friend Susan and I took a leisurely drive up the eastern spine of the Sierras through Lone Pine and Bishop. It didn't occur to me that the mountains would have a similar face on the opposite side: high, dry and austerely magnificent. At 7,000 feet, my nasal passages shriveled, my skin cracked, and my alcohol consumption plummeted.
Second, I had been advised that the blogging camp was, indeed, a camp: rugged, basic, simple. Southern California urbanites have developed a whole new definition for camp. The first blogger I encountered was draped in a lissome sun dress, accented with blue sandals. Another camper was outfitted in white slacks, a white hoodie and a white vest. I felt embarrassingly under-dressed in my brown (to match the dust and dirt) Muir Woods t-shirt and jeans (the only outfit I brought). I knew I was really under-prepared when the make-up kits and blow dryers appeared. Luckily, the camp had electricity, mirrors, running showers, and forced air heating to accommodate this new level of "roughing it." Whew.
Third, the passion is gone from my life. I had applied for and was granted permission to attend the blogging camp. (For my work, I need to understand and be able to communicate with facebookers, tweeters and bloggers. As an excuse for my sadly lacking skills, I'll note that foodservice is always years behind the media status of other industries.) Little did I know how engaged, energized, eager, enthusiastic and PASSIONATE these bloggers are about their craft. I expanded my blogging knowledge exponentially at the conference/camp, but my passion meter remained at zero. I can no longer maintain excitement about anything for 36 hours.
When I finally dragged my suitcase and [my brother's] sleeping bag into my apartment, I felt several lessons hit me with a mega-force.
1. I will never again willingly fly with a sleeping bag in tow (sorry Southwest, I stowed in the overhead compartment with my suitcase).
2. No more sharing rooms with someone I don't know. Sleeping in peace is worth the price.
3. Blog with circumspection and care. Do you really want to create an online community?
4. Maybe a sixties blog isn't such a bad idea. There are hundreds of food blogs, but only one sixties limbo blog.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Why I'm Writing
I'm sixty-two-years-old. Luckily, I'm still working (I've been a foodservice consultant for nearly twenty years, and established a bit of niche in PR and writing/editing for my clients), but I can feel both the workload slowing down and ennui setting in. I can't really complain about either. I'm fortunate enough to have lived a cash-centric life, so I've got an immediately adequate investment portfolio and the promise of a turn-key retirement domicile that I'll inherit from my mother. It all looks good on paper.
That's what millions of Americans in my age bracket also thought before the "economic downturn." For my generation of baby boomers who grew up in an age of expansion and never-ending guarantees, the current situation is beyond unnerving, it's downright debilitating. Who would think that one would yearn to be sixty-five, just to be able to pry the medical insurance piranhas off my back (forget dental or vision). And the $2,200 per month in social security that's promised me when I reach the fabled sixty-six? I'll be there, will it?
So there you go. This blog is my experience plodding through this social, political, emotional, physical and psychological miasma that is being six-ish. My body is graying and wrinkling, but my mind is still operating in technicolor. I've got small plans that involve making things grow (it's harder than it looks) and preserving things (also harder than it looks; gotta love pectin). I've been sharing the senior care of my mother (a spry ninety) with my brothers, so I'd also like to share what I've learned about growing really old, and ruminate about what's in store for me. I know I'm not the only one in this country and on the globe having an identity crisis, but it really does lighten the load just writing about it. Thanks, ethersphere, you'll hear from me again soon.
That's what millions of Americans in my age bracket also thought before the "economic downturn." For my generation of baby boomers who grew up in an age of expansion and never-ending guarantees, the current situation is beyond unnerving, it's downright debilitating. Who would think that one would yearn to be sixty-five, just to be able to pry the medical insurance piranhas off my back (forget dental or vision). And the $2,200 per month in social security that's promised me when I reach the fabled sixty-six? I'll be there, will it?
So there you go. This blog is my experience plodding through this social, political, emotional, physical and psychological miasma that is being six-ish. My body is graying and wrinkling, but my mind is still operating in technicolor. I've got small plans that involve making things grow (it's harder than it looks) and preserving things (also harder than it looks; gotta love pectin). I've been sharing the senior care of my mother (a spry ninety) with my brothers, so I'd also like to share what I've learned about growing really old, and ruminate about what's in store for me. I know I'm not the only one in this country and on the globe having an identity crisis, but it really does lighten the load just writing about it. Thanks, ethersphere, you'll hear from me again soon.
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